super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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