Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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