I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
