Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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