The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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