Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
