Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
