apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
