Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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