okay pat passed out under dana's car
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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