just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
