We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
