I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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