i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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