i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
