By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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