just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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