Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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