i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
