Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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