Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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