If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
