let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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