i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
