I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
