He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
