thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
