Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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