mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You can't just leave with hair like that
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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