I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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