:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
