i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
