I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
