Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just found puke in my bra..
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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