I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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