I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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