i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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