I looked at my own cervix.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
