I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
