White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
