my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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