her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
