I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Im part way to drunk.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
