I faked an abortion last night.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
