cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
