You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
