I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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