dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
