FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
