Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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